The Theory Exam

Why can't it be as easy as in the States, why? One center, sure possibly long and obnoxious queues, but once you're there, boom, done, application, picture, learner's permit. Then go back, eye test, theory test, road test, done. All in one fell swoop. Nope. They like waiting here. They like inconveniencing people. And they especially like "apologising for the inconvenience".

Here driving culture is a bit different, too. Driving is more for the rich and privileged, it seems. It's quite common for people to not have licenses. Not like in the States where driving, guns, and TV are pretty much your rights as a citizen, and every kid upon turning 16 suddenly has a license.

So, step two - the written exam. And no sir, it is not a simple handful of common sense questions that are covered in the pamphlet you can get at the DMV. It's points upon points upon points of minute facts and things that you wouldn't even expect. And while all of these fussy points are published to the public on the DVLA website, there is no free hand-out pamphlet. So it is common and a wise idea to purchase an official DVLA "rules of the road" book, that lists driving rules and the questions that you could possibly get on the exam. They even make software that you can buy that trains you for the reaction test. Part of the theory exam is sitting in front of the computer watching video footage of driving behind the wheel and clicking the mouse when you see hazards. The written test, itself, is 50 questions long, of which you have to get 43 correct to pass. Sounded rough. Especially having had a minorly traumatic time taking the GRE's years ago, being well unprepared for it. So I bought the book, I went through the whole tedious thing, even though they repeated questions in different sections. How efficiently written. Some questions and scenarios just blew my mind, such as:

 What kind of backwards old-school world have I stepped into!? I was complaining to my sister about it, and she joked "When approaching a castle whose drawbridge is one lane, does the car coming from or going to the castle yield?". She was being light and funny about it. And then I sent her this picture from my English travels:

 HA! Been there, done that, it's not just a joke. And clearly the large black arrow indicates that the car coming towards you would have the right of way.

So, once I felt at least partially studied enough, I started looking into booking the Theory Test. And of course since this country loves to queue and be inconvenient, it was slim pickins' for dates and times to actually take the test. I settled on August 12, stupidly early at 8am, because it was all that was available. And to make things even more difficult and complicated, you're not allowed to book your road test until you have passed your theory test. So I was surely relieved when I did pass, no problem, just one question wrong. That part accomplished. After all this learning of how you "should" drive, everybody else has all the rights, you have no rights, always yield to people and horses and bicycles and insects, I came to the conclusion that this country is full of wimps. Fine by me, I'm happy to cut them! Which they just about always let you. Unless it's a BMW. BMWs are jerks. Universal, international truth.

In the meantime, I had also been looking into driving lessons, since I already knew that there would be habits that I as an American would have to be broken of if I wanted to pass the UK driving exam. My husband would say, "Oh, yeah, get ready to pull the handbrake at every stoplight. They could fail you if you don't!" I laughed and thought that it was just another sarcastic jab of his at this country (can't say he didn't warn me... he totally did.) But no, that really is a thing. You really are expected to use the parking brake if you're at an extended stop - at a stoplight, waiting for pedestrians to cross, in a queue of traffic. At first I thought maybe it's more aimed towards all of the people who drive standard (it's rare to drive automatics here. But they suggest it as a solution to make driving easier for the elderly or disabled. So backwards they are here...) but no, various reasons behind it include "So that you can take your foot off the brake and not dazzle the drivers behind you with your brake lights" and "In case you're at a junction and the person behind you bumps into you - to prevent you from lurching out into traffic". Uh-huh. Ok. And hand-over-hand turning. I was warned that that was a big no-no here.

So, I managed to find myself the rare automatic car driving instructor. Here, if you get a license for an automatic, you are only allowed to drive an automatic and would have to retest if you want to drive standard. My instructor warned me of this, making sure I wouldn't want to drive standard. No thank you. Why don't you just rip out the bottom of the car and let me drive with my feet, all Fred Flintstone style. We have advanced technology these days, I will choose to use it. Especially in this ridiculous traffic infested country.

The long and grueling journey to a UK driver's license.

So, I've been wanting to update this more. Really, I have. But there has been one thing that has been plaguing me, consuming me, filling me with anxiety - the UK driving test. "Now wait," you say, "but you HAVE been driving around in the UK all this time. What ever do you speak of?" Welllll, this country being no friend to logic, gets to say, "Hey, we know you've been driving all this time, commuting to work, other excursions, totaling about 200 miles per week, on average. Sure, come here, fresh off the plane, and hop in the car, no problem! Have a go at it! Fumble about in the wrong-side streets, have several near-misses as you're getting used to how all these roundabouts work and what is proper lane discipline in them, drive down these awkward, tiny, so-called two way streets where there's so little space left on the road after all these parked cars are lined up that you'll just have to take turns with oncoming traffic for who gets to pass. But wait, what? You've been living here and driving here for a year now? Oh, no no, we can't have this. You are no longer roadworthy, no longer fit to drive on these remarkably safe British roadways. You are no longer allowed to drive on your US license once the calendar on your immigration date makes it's first complete cycle."

Ok, fine, UK - EU, you've all got this happy buddy-buddy thing going on, so coming from the EU you can simply exchange your license for a UK one. I get that. Open door policy on working, living, and driving. Fair enough. But then I learned that Canadians can also simply exchange their Canadian driving license for a UK one. What!? How is that fair? How is driving in Canada any different than in the US?

Fine, UK, you win, I'll play your game. What choice do I have? Well actually I did seriously consider "Well, how will they really know when I immigrated? How will they line up all the facts? There are barely even cops on the road pulling people over, they just do everything passive-aggressively with cameras and nice little notes/tickets being sent to your home after the fact. It would be unlikely I'd be actually caught..." It's not that I don't generally play by the rules, but when the rules are so backwards and illogical and hypocritical then "meh", little regard. But then the fear that I would be in an accident and the other party would claim whiplash (which is another national pastime here) and my insurance would be invalidated by my invalid license was too great. So, I waited until after 6 months from when I immigrated here, as I had heard you had to do before applying for a provisional license (UK's version of a learner's permit). Started the process early in June, giving me plenty of time before October 31, when my US license became null and void in the UK. And yes, no mercy here, I had to start all the way at the beginning - provisional license, then take the the written (theory) test, then take the road (practical) test. No credit or steps skipped for, you know, already being able to drive here. I fill in the form online, state that I have lived here for 180 days, pay my money (and yes, I will get to the total cost of the racket that is driving here) and wait patiently for further instruction. Weeks later I got a letter in the mail stating that I needed to provide more information, fill out the paper I was sent confirming my details (Hello Your Name at Your Address where we mailed this form to. Do you live at Your Address? Um... yes...), send in two regulation size photographs (no there is no convenient center to go and do all of this, it is all by mail and you have to supply your own photos), and oh, send us your passport so we can verify you are you, and plan to not have it for a month. What!? I have to surrender my passport? I desperately sought any other way to do this in person, but unfortunately there was none. The Brits have it easier, as they have some sort of digital passport, so they can simply enter their digital UK passport number and all the info is right there. But non citizens have to mail in their passport. Well... I had plans in Germany towards the end of June, so this simply will not do. I had to call the DVLA (the UK's registry of motor vehicles and licensing) and ask that my application be extended. And then there wasn't much else I could do until I returned from Germany. So, by early July, as soon as I returned, I mailed off the application, mailed off my photos, and reluctantly mailed off my passport. Got my passport back a couple weeks later, and my provisional license shortly after. Ok, first part sorted. Mid-June now.  

Overdue Barcelona Photos

So, yeah, we went to Barcelona back during Easter weekend. Yeah, photos 1/4 a year overdue. Well, here goes.

Easter Parade

Chocolate Museum! (One of many I've been to in the world!)

Our nifty spacey hotel

random street chicken sign!

Umm...?

In case of fire, hitting and removing the plastic!

You know, where Ferrets go and have lunch during their workday.

Neck Plates!

Why are the eggs here so angry?

Somehow I don't quite think that's correct.

Haikus - UK updates

Well, clearly I can't seem to keep this updated, so instead of real posts, I'm going to use haikus and photos.

Random updates from May through now:

Birmingham is lame

Nice day, picnic in the park...

Hello Kitty theft!!! 

:(

 Hubby is so great

Kitties car not once, but twice

Stuck for good, this time!

Day trip, off to Wales!

 What's Welsh Rarebit? Sounds dodgy.

Oh! Cheese on toast? Yum!

 Need UK license

Studying rules of the road

 Are you kidding me!?

Canal side pizza

Too cool hipster restaurant

 London is so fun

 Walk from pizza place

 Oh look, a garden party!

London is so fun

Muchly Overdue

Ok, ok, I've been slacking. Well, while some people seem to feel the need to pose everything to the internets, pictures of their cats (well, ok, I DO like the cat pictures), what they've had for breakfast, etc, etc, I've been just too busy to post of all my adventures. And wow, apparently writing while on the train, because all that is between London and Birmingham is sheep and no cell phone reception, is not a good solution.
Well, here are my top excuses (adventures) for why I have not been updating


1. Visited Barcelona over Easter weekend
2. Went back to the states briefly in April
3. Hosted pairs of German friends in February and April
4. Went to Leipzig, Germany, in May for a lovely music festival with friends from all corners of the world
5. Hanging out with/making more friends in Birmingham
6. Day trip to Wales - that's where all the ice cream in the country is hiding!
7. Going to Germany again next weekend - this time it'll be a road trip! Stopping off in Belgium along the way, somewhere, just because we can. And I've been told they have some of the best chocolate in the world.

More to come! I owe pictures. I owe lots of stuff. And boy oh boy is there more to rant about. Like cockamaime driving rules, my quest to get my UK license, total lack of summer, the tragic de-Kittying and triumphant re-Kittying of my car. Will try to post more regularly. Really, really.

Happy Pi Day!

That is all.

Tomato, tomato...

Yeah, the whole "You say tomato, I say tomato" thing doesn't work so well when it's actually written out. But yes, as I knew, and as everybody had told me, language here is a bit different. I was pretty well familiar with a lot of the nuances of word differences and different expressions here, but there are still new ones to learn, as well as other things that continue to amuse/baffle me.

The migrating "H"
It is amusing to work in a place where human resources, aka "HR", is most often called "haech arr". Here is one case where H is all "Here I am, know me, respect me, fully appreciate my existence in this phrase". Another such occurrence would be in "schedule", often heard as "shed-yule". And then the random, surprise appearance of "H" in "assume". I have heard many pronounce it as "a-shume". Ok. But to maintain the equilibrium of it all, H just as often disappears from things. Such as the cliche " 'ello!", " 'ave a go at it", and in a more work-related context "The component was small so it would overeat".

In technical terms
It is also amusing to work in a place where a common material used is a-lu-MIN-i-um. Not too long ago, I didn't think such a word or material existed. I thought it was just kind of a goof-off phrase, like "nu-cu-lar". But no, I guess it is equally legitimate to say a-lu-MIN-i-um as it is to say a-LU-mi-num. I haven't actually had need to say it out loud, and I'm not really sure what will come out of my own mouth in this environment when I do.
Another minor confusion that came up was "mil". I don't come from the world of millimeters. I know inches, hundredths of an inch, thousandths of an inch. So when I was working on a component and somebody told me "Oh, just take half a mil off the thickness", I kind of didn't even know what to make of it at first. If the component was actually in millimeters, it would have made more sense. But it was in inches. So I wasn't sure why there was the casual back and forth of  units, and everyone having an understanding of what a "mil" is. Confusion.

Say what?
Another phrase here that took me a while to get used to is "Are you all right?". What it *actually* means is their version of "How are you?" (and sometimes even said in equally "I don't really care, I just have to say that out of habit" ways, such as by bored, spiritless store clerks, etc). I was initially exposed to it during my first trip here in 2003. I originally thought it was simply because I was wandering around a bunch of stores (as in Camden Town) in giddy awe of it all, and it genuinely may have looked like there was something *not* all right with me. But I later had it explained to me that it was simply their greeting. I'm still trying to get used to responding to it, now, on a regular basis. If someone asks me "Are you all right?" my natural inclination is to respond with a "Yup...". I know that's not really the idea, though. And I did notice that during a telecon with others in the US, a colleague here used the "Hi, are you all right?" greeting to them, and there was this awkward uncertain pause followed by an "Um... yup....". Ok, so it's not just me.
On my first day of work when it was explained to me the system of clocking in and out, whenever we enter and leave the building, I was trying to figure out if people actually go out for lunchtime. I was told a somewhat confusing response that seemed to indicate that people in general simply don't leave the facility during the day and the half hour of lunch time is automatically deducted out of our work hours. But if you go out for supper, you clock out and then clock back in when you get back. I didn't totally understand but didn't really bother to clarify it at the time, as there was and still is a few confusing things about how time charging here works. All I knew was that it didn't really make too much sense why people would bother to go out for supper and come back to work. Why not just work and leave and have supper after? And besides, it seems rare that people are actually around and still working at supper time (hooray to that). I put it out of my mind. Until recently when somebody different told me "Oh, so and so is supposed to email you with that information, but if you don't hear from him by suppertime, I'd just send him a reminder if I were you". "suppertime"?! Why not "by the end of the day"?.... It then started to occur to me that here "supper" kind of seems to mean "lunch" as we know it in the US. Weird. In any case, at least they have this mid-day-whatever-you-call-it meal from 12:30-1:00pm. Which makes perfect sense to me! I never understood the 11:30 am "lunch" thing. If you ask me, food eaten at 11:30 am is still "breakfast" to me. On the weekend, I'm often lucky if I'm awake and have eaten *anything* by 11:30 am!

Other miscellaneous words
"Chuffed" - To feel "chuffed" is to feel pleased or content with oneself. Which seems kind of odd to me. It reminds me of "miffed". Which is kind of the opposite of "chuffed".

"Peckish" - Hungry. I think this is a great and cute word. It makes complete sense.

"Moreish" - Another unusual but good word. I was told at work that my chocolate coconut macaroons were "moreish", as in it makes a person want more of them. I hope to always make "moreish" goodies.

"Sledging" - Sledding. This doesn't seem to make as much sense to me. "Sledging" makes me think of hammers, violence, and destruction. Not frolicking in a winter wonderland, sliding down hills.